Ian and Sara, who lived in Asenby near Thirsk, were married for almost 60 years and did almost everything together. From running a business to raising a family to going on adventures across the world through a shared love of travel, they were truly inseparable.
After both falling ill and being referred to palliative care on the very same day, Ian and Sara were afforded the dignity of being cared for together in their own home with support from Herriot Hospice Homecare. Heartbreakingly, they passed away within weeks of each other. As soulmates in life, they were united in death, sharing a joint funeral—together forever.
The care they received at home enabled not only Ian and Sara to be in beds side by side, but it also meant their doting children Alastair, Jonathan and Karen could be with them, spending valuable time as a family and making lasting memories.
Reflecting on their experience, we spoke with siblings Karen and Jonathan to learn more about their family and the invaluable care their mum and dad received in their final weeks.
When describing their mum and dad, Karen and Jonathan agreed that their dad was strict but hardworking, while their mum was determined, loving, and well-organised. Their parents’ love story, however, was rather unusual.
A Love Story That Almost Never Was
Ian moved to Africa at age eight with his parents. After attending boarding school, Ian joined the King’s African Rifles, which was the British regiment in Kenya. On a return trip to the UK to a base in Harrogate, the army officers invited local nurses to the mess one evening, with Sara attending.
It wasn’t love at first sight—Karen laughed as she recalled that her mum didn’t even like her dad at first. That evening at the mess, Sara lost her broach, and the next day, she called to ask if anyone had found it. She ended up speaking to Ian, who not only found the broach but personally brought it to her home. From that moment on, their story began.
Ian and Sara married, with Sara traveling around the world with Ian as part of his military duties. Their children Alastair, Jonathan and Karen were all born in various countries abroad and Karen recalls the story that she learned to walk on a train back from Singapore. Ian left the army, and the family moved to Thirsk, where he and Sarah successfully ran an industrial embroidery business.
A Family’s Heart and Home
For Karen and Jonathan, their mum and dad’s home was the heart of family gatherings, filled with cherished memories of time spent together. Being such a close-knit family, it was heartbreaking when Ian fell ill, followed shortly by Sara.
Ian was ill for over six years and experienced symptoms, including extreme weight loss and swelling in his limbs. He never received a diagnosis despite extensive testing and Sara meticulously cared for him in their home.
In her later years, Sara began experiencing memory loss, confusion, and difficulty with coordination. Initially, there were suspicions of dementia, but as her condition worsened rapidly, further tests were carried out following a hospital stay. The results revealed a devastating diagnosis—an inoperable, incurable brain tumor—with a prognosis of just 12 weeks to live.
Karen said: “We came out of the appointment with mum, and dad was upstairs in the same hospital on a ward. We went up to see him and to tell him because cognitively he was sharp, but physically not great.
“There was a really emotional moment between mum and dad, where they hugged and cried and told each other they loved each other.”
After receiving the devastating news at her appointment, Sara returned home, while Ian remained in the hospital, unable to be discharged until appropriate care was arranged. With both parents now under palliative care, Herriot Hospice Homecare stepped in to provide vital support for the family.
Jonathan said: “Dad was adamant that he wanted to be at home. He wanted to be in his own bed, in his bedroom, and with Mum.”
Care That Made a Difference
The Herriot Hospice Homecare team began visiting Ian at home to provide care, with additional staff and visits added several weeks later to care for Sara as well. One of the first things the team did was arrange for two hospital beds to be placed side by side in the couple’s bedroom so they could both be comfortable whilst staying next to each other.
Jonathan said: “The HOME Team were like angels. They were so professional and caring, their help was just overwhelmingly wonderful. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it now, because whenever that doorbell rang and they were there, it was just a relief that these people were here, and they were here to help.”
Karen added; “For the times when they weren’t there, they taught us how to use slide sheets and so we were able to do that ourselves. Then emotionally, they would also make sure they’d spent a bit of time saying, ‘You’re doing really well’.” Jonathan added: “They would linger outside on the doorstep for a while before they left just to make sure we really were ok, and that meant everything.”
Karen reminisces about precious moments she was able to spend with her parents at their home, from a fish and chips supper in their bedroom to curling up in the foot of her mum’s bed reading a book out loud to her mum and dad.
“I remember the last hug I had with Mum. A Herriot Healthcare Assistant was there, and she was turning Mum. As Mum turned over, I stood next to her, and she put her arm around me, so we hugged. There was a member of staff in the room with us and it didn’t feel obtrusive.”
A Love That Endures
Reflecting on the experience of her parents care, Karen said: “It gave the three of us the time to be together and to spend time with our mum and dad that we probably wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. It meant so much to us and we will always be so grateful to the Herriot Hospice Homecare team for helping to make it happen.
“The sadness of losing both your parents at the same time is massive. But on the other hand, these are two people who loved each other and had been together for many years. They got married, they lived life very well and I would say parted the world pretty much together.”
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